避免客套罗嗦、语义重复。
如果可以用40个字写完一封信,却花了100个字作长篇累牍的叙述,这样的写作者实在是最令人讨厌的时间杀手。不仅浪费了自己的时间,也给别人带来了不必要的麻烦。所以在写作商务信函时要尽可能地使用通俗易懂的语言作简明扼要的陈述,避免用陈旧的套话( cliché )和没有什么实际意义的词语。删掉那些不必要的罗嗦的字句。如:
例(5):We would like to know whether you would allow us to extend the time of shipment for twenty days. And if you would be so kind as to allow us to do so, kindly give us your reply by fax without delay.
(我们很想知道您是否允许我们将交货时间延期二十天,如果你方友好地容许我方延期二十天交货,请速电复无误。)
本句由42个单词组成,要求将交货日期延迟二十天。表达上的过分客气使得句子冗长而不清楚。而且,“to extend the time of shipment for twenty days.”这一表达在意义上也很含糊,为了更好的表达主要意思,这句可以改写为:
Please reply by fax immediately if you will allow us to delay the shipment until April 21.
(如果统一我方将交货时间延期至四月二十一日,请速电复。)
例(6): With reference to your request for an extension on your note under date of March 20,we have considered the matter carefully and are pleased to tell you that we will be willing to allow you an additional 90 days to make payment on your note.
这段话只有一个重点,那就是写信者很乐意多给读信者90天的时间来支付3月20日到期的货款。可就在这段话中有两句多余的话。第一句“With reference to your request for an extension on your note under date of March 20”纯属多余,因为这是给对方的回信,只要写信者提到同意放宽付款期限,读信者就一定知道是关于何事。第二句是“we have considered the matter carefully and”放宽付款期限在一项商业贸易中是一件很重要的大事,任何人都会慎重考虑的,对方从你的口气中已经知道了你是经过深思熟虑之后才做的决定。在这里写出来不仅显得多此一举,而且会使读信人觉得写信人有一种施恩惠给自己的意思,极其不礼貌。根据以上分析,原稿可以修改为:
We are pleased to allow you an additional 90 days to pay your note dated March 20.
你会发现原稿(英文)一共用了46个字,而修改后的只用了17个字。如你所见,删除多余的字词并无损语意的清晰程度,这次的文字手术反而更加突出了所要传递的信息。